"you choose your favourite character because they remind you of yourself"
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
talking to a non tumblr user about tumblr more like
Everywhere I go I’m stuck in your radio~
I’m not saying that it’s what happened but it’s what happened.
boys can like pink and not be gay
girls can have short hair and not be a lesbian
boys can like ballet
girls can like video games
boys can be hot without a six pack
girls can be hot without a hairless body
boys can have hair down to their waists
girls can have stretch marks, curves and back fat
gender doesn’t determine what you can and cannot enjoy, what you can and cannot look like or what you can and cannot do
Even though they can be quite painful, bees are a very important part of our ecosystem! Almost all of our foods come from the help of a little bee in some way.
People make a big deal over OH SHIT BEE STINGS but like you get several moments of pain MEANWHILE THE BEE DIES so basically we should suck it up.
Not to mention the Attack on Titan style hilarious size discrepancy.
tiny big fuzz bee friend drink a flower
well y’know thats a bumblebee so it can sting you as many times as it wants bc it doesn’t have the self-disemboweling barb thing going on but luckily for you the chances are it doesn’t want to because bublebees hardly ever use their stings (it’s pretty safe to pick one of these big fuzzy fluffs up with your bare hands if you know what you’re doing)
if one gets really mad at you its preferred method of telling you to fuck off is to buzz louder than usual and crash into you. it will do this a whole bunch until you leave or something else distracts it.
ive seen vids/gifs of bumblebees who are, im assuming, somewhat in torpor and unable or unwanting to leave a certain spot it is sitting at
and to tell you to go away if you try to touch it, the bee lifts one of its legs up like “no”
but that also means you can give the bee tiny high fives
yeah the leg thing is like “whoa hold up mate im a bee” and it’s kind of adorable. the torpor is uaually caused by cold weather and/or because the bee was asleep or preparing to hibernate. you can, theoretically, high five a bee, just watch out if it starts flexing its butt because then it’s getting cranky.
first rule of fight club
- no fightin!…shakira shakiraaa
Apparently if you have an anxiety disorder you can go backwards in time.
Are you kidding? I can go back to that exact moment when I was 6 and I said something embarrassing any time I like.
well that’s just painfully accurate
THIS IS WHAT WE ARE TEACHING YOUNG PEOPLE
Excuse me while I thrash things around in my room….
What the fucking hell???
I know. I can’t. I just… Can’t.
I didn’t know there were twenty thousand vegans on tumblr!!!
You can be against animal cruelty and not be a vegan